Let's take that again!
So if you’re reading this then I guess I’m doing something right. Something that made you want to click through to this website, a curiosity that you couldn’t satisfy perhaps? Just what does the ginger man have to say?
Well firstly I’m chuffed that you’ve made it this far and I’m chuffed that I have too. This is a relaunch of sorts for me, a rebranding and refocusing on my career as an actor and voiceover artist.
For a good while (most of my thirties in fact) I was very complacent, assuming my agent would get me gigs, not going to classes beyond the ones I was running (Improv mainly- more on that in another blog) and generally coasting.
LAZY ACTOR MAN! I can almost hear you shout! I can’t, that’s not how the internet works...I think, I don’t know. I only look like I know about computers and stuff.
And while yes I was lazy with my acting career I still got cast in some nice roles, a small tour here, an advert there. But it could have been more. What was holding me back?
In a word, me.
They say hindsight is 20:20 and looking back on that time I now realise that much of my nonchalance had its roots in self doubt and my own self image issues. My arrogance was an ironic manifestation of my self doubt. I wouldn’t push myself and grow and learn because deep down I didn't feel I deserved to. Yeah, it’s messed up.
The importance for actors to network and publicise themselves has been reiterated over the years, moreso in the social media age. To always show you’re hustling and going for the dream. In my head I was saying ‘Who the hell would want to hear about the stuff I’m doing?’ ‘What’s the point of me boasting about this or that job?’
And while occasionally I would have fits and bursts of confidence, where the darkness would fade from the edges, ultimately I’d return to that state of ‘no one needs to know’.
A big turning point for me was working in Japan for a year at Universal Studios, in Harry Potter World as the conductor of the Hogwarts Express. A year away from my wife, all friends, family and the creature comforts that make up one’s existence.
It was hard. It was hot. At times I was fucking miserable.
I reached a point where I’d started drinking a lot, in six months I’d put on about 20 pounds. And given I was already a stocky guy I had officially upgraded to fat. My self-confidence was at an all time low.
So I decided to do something about it. I quit drinking, mostly. I started going to the gym and running more. I also began writing a lot more. Something that I always wanted to do but always had that nagging dickhead whispering in my ear. The stuff I wrote wasn’t earth-shattering or anything, but it was the stuff I wanted to write and I enjoyed doing it.
Through writing and training I began to analyse myself more, not in a navel gazing ‘oh me’ way but in a cause and effect way. Noticing behaviours and patterns I had fallen into down the years. Again and again it came down to self confidence and self image.
I began to remove the more destructive thoughts and behaviours, finding my own worth and confidence. It’s a work in progress. I mean here I am telling you all this shite, whether you’re still here or not I don't care (I do) but I’m doing it anyway.
So that’s what this is all about. A second go, another swing of the bat. If you’ve enjoyed reading or just want to get in touch that’s great. Maybe you’ve experienced something similar? Cool, hit me up and we’ll chat about it. Talking things through never did too much damage.
Cheers, Trev x